Sunday, March 03, 2013

The Machine - The Womb

Part of me have no wish of acknowledging these unfortunate turns of events. These small depositions of mental instability within my household, my castle, which by some odd cause, is spreading like a disease, to all that are near the lobby. The cause of mental maladies, are all constructed by man himself. The man who hides behind his own walls, rots within them, and let the lunacy created from greed and desire, locked so deep inside. Of course someone can happenstance bring the key, to unfold the many lighted nightmares which could be hidden within these walls, bit there should be no one able to carry such a key. Oneself as a person should be the only able to break the chains of insanity, free the suppressed, .and conquer their world. In our world, it is unaccepted, leads to external chains instead of the internal ones.

I am touching the subject of mental illness, because, as I start out, more cases have sprung into plain sight during the weekend. Friday and Sunday were a mess, where I had to send home Bill and Paul. They were engaged in a fistfight, disturbingly through more than half an hour before I arrived to see the pure anarchy which the fistfight had produced. Many of the upper floor employees stood and cheered on the different contestants, their hands raised high and the bodies in tune, and motion as one single entity. The information as to what happened, and between who, had surpassed me completely, and as I drew up, drew through and drew in, I saw the horrifying sight. Of notice, is it that nobody moved to let me through, as their superior, but I understood why afterwards. I sent the whole floor home for the weekend, and let them have the day without pay, ensuring them that if this happened again, I could only foresee a firing of at least one floor. That did quiet them down. And thus the shepherd has moved his herd to safe pastures yet again.

Having sent my flock of sheep to their home-pastures, their families and loved ones, the Saturday was whole as a great meal could ever be. Again, the time through the lobby was breathtaking, as Tom did his work for the 5'Th time that I'm sure off. So hard laboriousness in person should be rewarded, I will get him some new cleaning material for the next week. He would love that! Now that Frida is gone, it is his duty to be my eyes and ears down at ground level, and so far he has not disappointed. The void would be no near to what my building was experiencing in the corridors that weekly bustled with life, I could nest here and no one would come to take it from me. But that would not happen.

I felt watched. As eyes on me were sprouting from every opening, within and out of the building. They searched my body, but they drove inside me, more than searching. That locked cage they were searching for.

And here we go back to the start. I have no cage of desire and lust, glutton and greed. I have lived to the fullest, as a better man than any other, and that is why I explained THEIR cage to you. No such thing is needed, as I fulfill every need I have. My needs are just different, I know. Better, beyond that of mere beings who need to reproduce to fulfill their overall fitness. My fitness is eternal, as my memory shall be!

There really was no need to worry, and with those thoughts they disappeared, those eyes. None were watching but me, and I was watching. Watching humans. Watching their lives, as free as they could be in the weekends, strolling through the parks, smiling. "True smiles" I could only mumble. I had my devious smile firmly mounted on my face. They were not eternal these ants, and would soon returning to the queens to do the bidding. Slaves to society, slaves to themselves. They are forever bound in the human cycle - Animal cycle to be more precise - when they really seek to break it they are doing quite the opposite

This is where we get to Sunday. My driver took me to the entrance, as any usual day, where nothing unusual would happen. I got into my Tower and walked down my beautifully carved floor, greeting Tom with my usual "Hey Tom", while I fidgeted with the keys to the elevator, turning my attention to Tom's doings on this day. He had not answered me with anything but an unsatisfied grumble. As an old man about to loose balanced, or a younger one who had had the air knocked out of him, Tom stood leaning on a broom heaving his body up, trying to stand straight. It seemed he failed and slumped down again, his spine ended in unusually curved position as he stood there. I lifted my brow slightly and entered the elevator.

Even though my elevator itself is not designed to stop at any other floors, I have installed counters visualizing every floor I go past, just to enhance the visual feeling of going up. The atmospheric friction caused by going upwards, by the pull down. An exotic feeling I would never miss to have each and every day. As any other day I stood watching as each new floor was reached, turning over the floor in my mind's eye, with a satisfying glee, seeing just what I had been able to build, and to lead.

Suddenly the elevator lurched into a stop between two of the floors, collapsing my whole line of thought in a matter of moments. I stood in silence at the time being, while the light in the elevator seemed to have some slight power failure. It was blinking on and off, at regular time intervals, 2 blinks, one long silence and 2 blinks again.

Even though this shouldn't be any existing floor, the doors opened automatically. I thought that as convenient, as I then wouldn't have the need of help. Outside all was in grey, long halls aligned as a parking lot, all concrete. It was a long passage with individual stalls, each one probably fitting 6 cars. The air was moist and damp, with the feel of a thunderstorm having just passed, droplets passing down in small puddles evenly spread along the pathway to the other end. The lot was all empty. Or almost, at the end stall, directly opposite me, I could spot an outline of something; or someone. At first there had only been the sound of the droplets ringing to the puddles, causing the ripples to spread out as long as the puddles could spread. Now; a dark clanginng sound resonated along the wall. No sound of concrete, but rather the sound of metal scraping against metal, as a dreadful eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee rrrsschh that would start over once it finished. I called out in a mundane tone, no intonation of fright. It was dreadful, unpleasant even, but frightened I was not, for this being which stood so far away, there would be no need of that.

"Hello? Anyone there? Who.. who are you, what is your position in this building?"

I had retreated a couple of steps in the calm silence that entered the fray, moving back into the elevator to push the "up" button. Just one more floor would be enough for my salvation of this irrelevant area of my building. The lights were only in the parking lot outside the elevator now. I noticed. It was as if the elevator had stopped breathing, stopped living.

All lights went out except a single one in the other end. I could only see the humanoid figure, not quite able to see it in the blur. At least it wasn't moving.

The lips moved and like crystals every fragment of them, if they indeed were angled and not polished bare, reflected the light against me. No words came, at least not I could see, but something happened. I must have been under trance because at that point the elevator faded. The room faded and I suddenly stood facing her blankness. It was as though, we here had a woman, which was not a woman, but a metal statue living and breathing. At this point she talked. She told me something which made no sense, not even an enemy within the corporate would call out this nonsense at me. Her voice even more metallic than human, what a prank to call on me!
“You are one of few, of many, of ours to be bound upon the laws of those unprotected by gods. You are no more man than any woman and less human than any. Embrace us. Embrace the truce we are bound by in the existence and become what you have denied for eternity.”

I met her gaze in a cool gaze, which she in every way mirrored as I saw my own image in her whole face. In this moment, I admit, I felt weak, as something burned into me, let my lips touch with the cold unreal. I would never allow such a thing, but in my moment of weakness it happened. And it burned... For a long time... I just stood blinded by the situation


It really felt as something reached deep inside of me, and my eyes, damn those eyes, do not usually deceive, but here, in this situation, I would call hoax on them. I will explain
A spike formed itself from her body, naked as she stood there, nothing but grey colours. It was an indescribable mass that moved from her stomach and into mine, stopping only to grow inside. Growing till all the torso of her body was a drill complete working onto me through me and  into the pavement behind me. Blood began to flow like every river should, when you breach the dam, welling outside my body like life were running out.
 My screams of agony went through the hall while my mind which now was clouded in red images of my own innards creeping up against the walls splattering themselves to fill them.  At last the movement came to be metal upon metal as she now was part of me. I felt empty, like cold hard steel had filled me through sheer froze, freezing my hearts exterior and hollowing my body completely. 

I can only think of this as a dream, because I was still completely in a conscious state of mind. There was nothing left of what would be called body, hence my consciousness floated above the body of what had been me, but no longer was. There was every lining of organ and muscle, a sight of horror, the skin invaginated for me to look upon. Nothing humane was left of my body. I felt hollow even though I was not in my own body. Hollow? Can you imagine? that is not possible. My world is full. But a felt hollow, and devoid of purpose with my current state. I needed something more. Such a ridicule to me!

Like a pang of light - a divine intervention haha! and suddenly I was inside my own body again. I felt dreary, I must admit, felt as though the skinning had been made with perfect precision. It felt as real as anything ever could, this illusion. I was bound, enchanted by such a workmanship created in deceit. Had I, the master, become the slave of thoughts made by me? or her? I could not say, or see clear on this matter, neither give it further thought in this moment. 
The realization and thoughts of this kind, took me back to who I was. where I was. My eyes were closed, but sacrificing a true effort I could slid them open, seeing blurred images. At the bottom of the elevator was where I was at that time, looking up at the still existing grey woman. The woman had laid a touch upon me. The skinning which had been done towards me was real. I could see the skinless hands, the red muscle and tendons showed freely turning the thoughts I had before further into a spiral of pain. Blood as everywhere in a puddle, locked inside the elevator, slowly slipping around me,creating a pagan alter. She was eyeing me, and I, back on her, with the power of a leader, although she seemed unaffected by my nature Then, in a flash she bobbed her head towards mine, clean. I could not escape it with all my skin missing. A rain of acidlike substance poured through her mouth and onty me skinless body, dissolving it slowly. Painfully. I tried, I truly tried to get away from her sunken head, frozen in a puking motion right above my body, but to no avail. The fright and helplessness convulsed my body into nausea and through my gastrointestinal tract I tasted iron. It slowly filled my mouth, driveled out of it and on the floor chocking me to my death. She disappeared in a blink. The feeling of being enveloped came upon me, slithering with a coldness binding itself to my bones. Soon after all feelings would return and every remnant of her was gone. My consciousness was floating just above the sad skeleton which had been me. I felt as though i was something, someone, forged to a greater cause.

The blood and every bit of irregularity were gone as the elevator beeped on the right floor. 

I was of course shaken by this incident and had to rest. Rest and work, and I will not leave my office today. I must come back to reality instead of being caught a dreamworld. Dreamworlds are not part of work and work needs to be upheld, at whatever cost!

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